Birth Control Options for Teens

Here is some things they don't tell you too much about when you are in school. Some of these things would be great birth control method for kids in high school:

1) Potty Training: This should be viewed as something along the lines of a triathalon. The real kicker is you don't know when you should start training for it. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes it's like bashing your face into a brick wall repeatedly. And sometimes, in my case, you potty train once, and then have to re-do it after you have a new baby because of potty training regression. Let me tell you how awesome it is to find random turds that would rival my own throughout the house randomly because my 3 year old doesn't find it necessary to let me know he did it. Forget about you know, actually trying to do it in the bathroom. Nope, he will pull his pants down, crap on the floor a foot away, and then go back to what he was doing. Ah, joyous.

2) Sore Boobs after Childbirth: I have an overactive let down, which means, at any given moment my boobs are about to burst. And right before they do, they painfully tingle to let you know they are about to release the flood gates. It's real nice. Nice like feeling like someone just punched you right in both boobs as hard as they could. Not to mention I pretty much drown my poor kid when he wants to eat. Or spray him in the eyes. Yeah, he's a big fan of that.

3) Saggy post-baby pooch: This is super sexy. No one I have ever heard voluntarily talks about this one. I am here to share the scary news. It.does.not.go.away. Unless you have big bucks to have surgery. Which I don't. So I always need to make sure my underwear is high enough to hide it. Yeah, I know I'm hot. Gotta love all that loose skin.

 4) Colic: Thankfully, my new baby seemed to have spared us the torture that is colic. It's one of the biggest, stressful times I have ever had the displeasure to experience. It kind of reminds me of the Jim Carey character in Dumb and Dumber that makes "the most annoying sound in the world." Except it's your kid, and you feel bad that they are miserable, while at the same time going bonkers because there isn't a damn thing that you can do to make them feel better. Or stop. And it can go on for months. Every night, for many hours, for months. Our first kiddo really wanted us to induct us into parenthood with a bang.

5) Date nights: What's that? Between finding a sitter, and having money to actually do anything, you will be excited if you can get out and go to Wal-Mart alone. And if you manage to go to Wal-Mart alone, you make sure to go as slow as you can. Hey, you gotta take the very tiny opportunities to have alone time that you can. Poor hubby.

5 Things that Creep Me Out

(http://www.star.le.ac.uk/edu/Extrasolar.shtml)

1) ET - This is the SCARIEST movie I have ever seen. And I saw it when I was 5 years old. My hubby laughs because he says it's not a scary movie at all. I told him hey, it scared me for years, I thought he lived under my bed, and there was more than one occasion I had to get a running start to get into bed at night. Didn't want that alien grabbing my ankles and pulling me under with him.  One time I jumped over my bed and landed on the floor on the other side. 

Hubby suggested I watch the Evil Dead movie last week. I asked him on a scale of 1 to ET, where was it. He looked at me with a blank stare. After several minutes of him not answering my question, I asked him why he didn't answer me. He said "I just don't have an answer for that." I told him then it probably wasn't a good idea for me to see it then.

(http://burnsidewriterscollective.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html)

2) Nighttime and darkness in general. Weird things, animals and people come out at night, and I don't know they are coming. Dog duties at nighttime are no longer in jurisdiction, and hubby has to do it. I go out 900 times during the day if I have to, but I will NOT do it at night. Evil things are waiting for me and will come jump out at me when I least expect it.

I have been known to knock my mom down when she was in the doorway between me being outside at night and the lighted safety on the indoors. She seemed surprised, but yes, this is how much it scares me. Lesson learned - do not stand in my way, I will push you down to get by. 

This is even more fun while camping where you are outside at night out in the boonies with coyotes. Yeah, hubby says he still enjoys it when I decide I have to pee at 4 am and insist he go with me to the outhouse that's a whole 20 feet away. 

(http://www.webweaver.nu/clipart/halloween/haunted-houses.shtml)

3) Haunted Houses: This is partly due to my fear of the dark, and things jumping out at me. I went to a Church hosted haunted house with one of my dearest friends when I was younger, and I really, really did not want to go in. But I did, because I was already there. One dude was on the floor following us for a while, and when I noticed him, I stomped on his hands. Because my reaction was "Dear God, someone is going to kill me! Stomp on it!!"

Later on they had black plastic bags to make fake walls, and someone tried to grab me through it. Yeah, I was like, "How's this elbow to your face!" I get violent in there, it's just not a good idea for me to go.

(http://www.wildlifemanagementpro.com/2007/05/01/hunting-coyotes-with-dogs/)

4) Coyotes. Just look at this picture. Seriously, how could these things not freak you out. Now combine it with the idea that I think most of them are probably rabid, and yes, keep these things far away from me.

Where we go camping, there are coyotes off in the distance howling and I almost pee my pants every night. I make hubby walk me from the screen house to the tent. And don't you dare leave me alone. 

(http://johnbokma.com/mexit/2006/12/31/the-big-grasshopper.html)

5) Grasshoppers. These are nonpredictible jumpers, and they fly right at your face like ninja spider monkey coming to eat your soul.

When hubby and I first started dating, he brought me home and while were in the doorway talking with my mom, I felt a tickle in my shorts. I felt to see what it was, and it moved. So of course, the only logical thing to do was to pull off my shorts and go screaming up the stairs in sheer terror. 

There was the little devil, looking at me intently, planning his next attack. Hubby and my mom, meanwhile, had no idea why I had all of a sudden lost my mind. To this day, it's one our favorite stories to share.

Things I learned Today

Today was the first really cold day so far this fall. There is frost on the ground everywhere, even at 10 am when I have a chance to take the dog outside to pee for the 100th time this morning. She likes to pee, all.the.time.

I go out with my very fashionable crocs - don't hate. They are comfy and easy to slip on while preggo, or to throw laundry in the wash, or to run outside if you think your 3 year old may have finally had enough of the crazy here and tried to escape.

So back to taking the dog out. Usually she wants to pee out front, she has her preferences, who knows why. Probably so she can find random people and animals to bark at, and give everyone the idea that she is some psycho dog that might eat your children. Which, she is really nothing like that at all. As my hubby's brother says, "She sure is pretty, but not too smart." Poor dog. But she does eat lint, I'm just saying.

Anywho, I was feeling lazy and not wanting to deal with the crazy, so I took her out back. We have a bit of a hill leading to the backyard from the back of the house. So me, in my infinate wisdom, go walking down the hill in my fashionable crocs, and start to slip on the frost on the grass. 

To really give you an idea of how much of a spaz I looked, I started waving my arms in the air like a fish out of the water, and went into a deep knee lunge down the hill, with my back leg still at the top. I ended up doing some sort of a weird split, accompanied with my fancy arm flourishes; I must have looked something special. 

Meanwhile, the dog is stopped at the bottom of the hill, looking up at me, and I swear even she was shaking her head like, "WTF lady. And you are the one I have to rely on to eat and pee." Right. 

You would think after 28 years on the planet, I would learn not to go skipping down the hill in my fancy shoes that so clearly has frost on it. I mean, this coming from a girl that used to go "frost skiing" in elementary school when the field was filled with frost on the grass. 

For those who aren't in the know: Frost Skiing - When two friends grab one of your arms each, and you squat down and they drag you across the frosty grass. Yeah, we had fun times as kids. I know you are totally jealous of our kick ass skills. 

So lesson learned, do not frolic like a spaz down frost covered grassy hills, and scare your neighbors anymore than you already do.